Foster - Adopt
Is it Worth It?
A 30 + Year Journey in Fostering Children

Giving Them Back to Bio Family

Friday, June 12, 2015
Kathy Blomquist
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The thought of the child you are fostering going back to his biological family is a batch of mixed emotions.  The longer you have them the harder it can be to let them go, especially if you feel they are going back into an unstable environment.  You have learned to love the child and enjoyed watching them grow in front of you.  You are concerned for their future and desire to still be in their life.

Thought #1 - This is the family the child was born into.  Even if the situation is not ideal, it is their family.  I learned early on that no matter how difficult life with the bio family was, you can not take the bio out of a child.  There is a connection that when broken leaves an empty spot in these children.  They still love their bio family.  Whenever possible, it is where they belong even if it seems less then ideal.

Thought #2 -  That is why it is so important when fostering that you accept the bio family.  Get to know and understand them.  You usually end up loving them as well.  This way you never really lose the child.  If the bio family feel they can trust you and that you do not judge them, you will be the first person they come to to get advice on the child, to take the child in for a couple days when they need a break, the first family the child will come to if things start to go bad.  It is a beautiful thing when both families become one.  The child does not have to lose anyone they love that way, including you!  You can still be there for them because you accepted their bio family as a part of them.

Thought #3 - The most important thing to remember is that when the child needed you, you were there.  When they had no family, you gave them one. You provided them with an example for a different way of life.  You did what you could while the child was a part of your life and helped prepare them for the next phase of their life.  Hang on to that!